hey there. you’re fighting so hard right now. the truth is, you mask it on like you are finally back to normal-but you aren’t. you still deal with the triggers. the struggles that cause you to question your own worth. the doubts that you are even a good person. they are all there.
you wake up everyday and automatically point out something you dislike with your body. you first check your phone and look at your bestfriend’s list on Snapchat. then realizing that one person is not on there, you automatically blame yourself for not being what he wanted. questioning your worth and asking why.
you go through the day talking negatively to yourself. causing more and more comparison that is crushing every bit of confidence you have. you are pushing and fighting. but every off guard double chin picture and bloated stomach makes you want to just scream. makes you want to starve yourself. but then you realize you can’t and you feel as a failure because you used to have more self control.
you’re fighting. and the truth is. that’s what life is. everyone is dealt with horrible things. some better than others. but it’s not a matter of who is rewarded more or who looks the best while doing this thing called life. it’s the fact that you still wake up every morning and choose to fight even if that means you might get knocked down consistently.
I’ll be honest. you have been trying to find the attention and happiness you need to find in yourself in different people. relationships, friendships, etc. They fail and that causes you to feel that you are a sense of a failure. but we are human. we are imperfect and that’s perfectly okay. you have been fighting so hard to please everyone weekly and be everywhere for everyone, when in reality you just want to be at home with your family. you have fallen into the worldly things to please others, when in reality you just wanna find pleasure and joy within yourself.
truth is. you want to succeed so much. you want to be happy. be confident with yourself. and feel yourself again so much that you are pushing away the opportunities to get you there.
so dear self, this is my apology letter. I’m sorry for not being understanding. for not being thankful. for not being perfectly fine with being imperfect… cause that is what makes you HUMAN. I’m sorry I try and change every flaw. cause the flaws are what make us different and beautiful. I promise I will keep pushing and fighting. I promise I will never give up.
dear self, thank you. you’re a real one.
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