as I lie awake thinking over the past few weeks, months, & even year… I can’t help but wonder am I doing it all right.
day after day I engage in a checklist for myself. my mind is built on routine and order. yet how did I not tally in a global pandemic, deaths, & a few heartbreaks?!
life is so indecisive. it tricks us into thinking we have it all together… and right when we begin to acknowledge the sense of control… poof. it vanishes.
here lately, I’ve been struggling. stressed. and feeling just uneasy.
maybe it’s the pandemic and adjusting to this new form of life as we know it. maybe it’s the loss of close friends. maybe it’s bad body image days. or maybe it’s relationships not going as planned.
I could list a million maybes but the truth is I don’t know why I have been stressed. there are many factors that could be obvious stress factors, yet I can’t pin point just one.
my time to reflect on my feelings is early in the morning on my back porch with a pin and journal in my hand. that’s where I dig to the core and figure out the real reason I am experiencing so many troubled emotions.
yet here lately I’ve been so busy in my habits. my habits that have consumed my life. the habits that although relieve stress, they also add tons more of it.
my habits consist of working out, controlling food intake/nutrition of it, studying over excessively, cooking wayyy too much, but above all WORRYING. ik, it’s the obvious reaction to something going wrong. I do it constantly.
The truth is…Our habits define our whole lives. The moment we develop a habit-that’s the moment we become attached to it. It’s the moment we fully commit to a new pattern.
But our habits shouldn’t be based off of our humanly perspective. We shouldn’t run to things that make us feel temporarily filled and then leave us feeling empty. we should run to the God who fills us completely up-eternally.
the only way to experience pure joy and peace is through the one who knows every thought we think and every feeling we feel. our only savior from the storm.
Just be still and know that he is there for you.
You’re doing great, darling. Give yourself grace. You cannot prevent tomorrow, just embrace today.
kenzi’s blog 