kenzi’s blog

happy August everyone!!!

I’m reflecting on this past summer. from the many vacations, spur of the moment sonic runs, and mostly spending time with my friends… it couldn’t have been better.

here lately, I have been doing great and life has been going so perfect. but then also sometimes I have those days where I feel like I could win the lottery and I still wouldn’t be happy enough.

my mind is a mess at times- all over the place. i struggle so much with self-love and trying to please everyone.

it is so hard trying to change my mindset. trying to re-wire my mind. stepping out of my comfort zone and trying new foods, not working out as much, and staying out later…

it’s all hard. It’s frustrating at times, but I never would have thought how happy it could make me.

when recovering from an eating disorder, anxiety, or any of that… it’s scary. You are so used to having that image that you become comfortable with.. your body image- which causes you not to want to change it. It makes you fear having to change what you “worked for” for so long.

looking back from last summer to this summer. I am amazed.

Last summer, I barely left my house. I hated leaving my room. I never invited friends over because when inviting friends over, i expect staying up late, binge-eating and the anxiety begins. I hated sitting down, because when sitting down, it caused my back and tailbone to hurt so badly that it was just easier to stand at times. I was miserable. I was at the beginning of a battle that I had no idea how to recover from.

At times, it was easier to quit. I wanted to. I wanted to just give up on trying to get back to my REAL SELF. but I didn’t.

I never thought that I would ever get to a point in my life again where I would want to go out and get ice cream or want to spend the night at a friend’s house. I didn’t think I would ever be able to enjoy eating, or working out… without it being a worry constantly.

This summer. It was a dream. I feel nothing but gratitude to my family and friends for helping me get where I am.

I still no doubt-constantly stress about something, worry about eating something unhealthy or if I will get a workout in… BUT LOOK AT THE PROGRESS A YEAR HAS MADE.

I am choosing to look on the brighter side. The happier side.

And I challenge you all. When reflecting on the past, pick the happy moments to look back on. Life is not perfect. It’s not supposed to be. But if you are struggling to find that pure happiness, like me most of the times, tell someone. Talk about your struggles with your friends. Pray about it. You will get through this hard time… most importantly, don’t give up!! Because in another year, you will be so proud of your progress and it will only make you want to achieve many more goals.