the TEMPORARY me

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Written on October 28, 2018

okay so I’ve sat around and thought for some time if I should do this or not. but hear I go…. be prepared.

if you are reading this… you might wonder why in the world I’m doing this? like what is the point, you might ask?!

Well here we go. if you look in today’s society they can control your happiness.. if you let them. You might see a model, famous person, family friend… and wish you were as happy as they were? am I right?

well that was me. the temporary me. if you know me then you know I have went through a lot… but honestly if you aren’t in my family or a close friend… then you really honestly  do not know. I have always been that kid who stresses about everything (grades, friends, etc.). What I did not know is how extreme that could get.

On January 1, 2017… I made a New Years resolution. Oh yeah we know the mile thing? But no you do not. I said I would walk or jog a mile or more everyday for one whole year. I never missed a day. I could get home at 11:00pm- exhausted… but I wouldn’t mess it up. I was so proud of myself and loved doing it… so you might be asking what is the problem?

Well the problem is.. on January 1, 2018 I made another resolution that I would beat(I thought) … I would have abs and have the perfect body. I would be able to control my whole body and happiness and life. Yeah did you hear that word… CONTROL.

I started eating healthy and doing ab workouts and my mile. And no I did not miss a day. I slowly but surely thought if I ate less I would get more results. I became consumed. That was my life.

i no longer wanted to go eat at my favorite Mexican resturaunt or go to birthday parties(bc of the cake). I was completely miserable. I became anorexic. and I’m not just saying that. in May… I weighed 86 lbs and was 5’6. I stopped growing. I had no idea why I was so unhappy.

Heres why… I wanted to have that perfect body and control others minds of what they thought of me.. that I ended up being miserable in my own skin. I would not want to even leave the house bc of everywhere I went I got from people… YOU ARE TOO SKINNY. YOU NEED TO EAT A HAMBURGER. you have no idea what my mind is going through when I hear this. Usually I would be like yes I’m skinny… but instead it just got on my nerves. And the hamburger.. Control (my mind) would immediately tell me… don’t even think about having a hamburger…

my whole family shoved food in my face and they were just as depressed as I was. But I would not stop. I had abs. I thought if I just keep going I’ll find happiness and forever will be able to control peoples minds of me and myself s mind.

i saw a therapist every week. it helped so much. I finally realized I had a problem and that I looked like a skeleton. I would wake up at 4:30am  to get all my workouts in before school(bc I knew I wouldn’t be home till late), I would skip games to workout, I would be mentally & physically exhausted… BUT I WOULD NOT STOP.

So yeah I started going to a therapist. She helped me so much. I learned that God made me perfect in his own way and I should only try to please him. I still go monthly and to the nutritionist… and I am finally feeling like myself.

I wrote this to tell my story& to help others too. The society tells you that you have to be perfect and have the perfect body and never stop working out. They are wrong. All it matters is what makes you happy.. not control. not your friend. not the boy you like. YOU. GOD MADE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE. BE YOU. BE THAT LIGHT IN THIS DARK WORLD.

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Published by kenzisteverson

Hey! It is me, Kenzi Steverson. I’m writing these blogs to help me get through my struggles and help others too. I hope you enjoy reading them, and if you have any questions just ask me:)

21 thoughts on “the TEMPORARY me”

  2. Living a transparent life is an awesome thing to do Kenzi! I admire you for doing just that! It allows people to see us the way God sees us, no one is righteous, no not one, but admitting that we’re not, yet striving daily to let the Holy Spirit lead us to be is so pleasing to God. It’s FREEDOM!!!
    What Satan used to destroy you God will use for his glory. That’s Bible!!♥️🙏🏼 I love you so much and I’ll be praying for you!-Aunt Tam♥️😘

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  3. Kenzi, I’m so proud of you for having courage and telling your story. I feel like exercising can become addictive in a way, I struggle with my own body and self image so I know what’s that’s like. I keep setting bigger and bigger goals and I will not give up till I reach them. You are beautiful inside and out.

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  4. So proud of you Kenz! You are a gorgeous child and I’m so proud you’re strong enough to try & help others through your struggles! 😘

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  5. Kenzi I’m so thankful you shared your story and I know your words and testimony will encourage others who may be going through the same thing and help them. Your are beautiful inside and out and I’m so proud of you for being so open and God is using you to Glorify him and your proof of his works. God bless you!

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  8. I am so proud of you. Every part of you – even your flawed parts. You are an amazing young woman and I feel lucky that God chose to place you in my life. I fought similar battles when I was your age…and most of my life. I completely understand where you are, where you’ve been, and where I know you are going, because you are a strong, beautiful, amazing woman. I have been there. Know that this friend loves you and supports you and believes in you.

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  9. Ah Kenzi, I’m so sorry you have been going through all of this. Sometimes when we feel like our lives are spinning out of control and there is nothing to hold onto, that is when we find one thing to micro manage the heck out of sometimes it’s our weight, money etc. but I’m so very proud of you and have always thought how special, smart, beautiful and mature you are! This testimony proves all that to be correct. I love you so much and can’t wait to see you at Thanksgiving

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  11. Kenzi,
    I’m so proud of you for having the courage to come out and share your story with others. You’re helping so many people of all ages, way more than you realize! Your strength is admirable! Keep up the good work! God has amazing things in store for you! I love you!

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